Thursday, October 6, 2011

Republican debates make my brain hurt...

It's appropriate they held that last one in Orlando: Goofy and Dopey were there...

So here's the brief summary for those who haven't got it.

Michelle Bachmann is insane.

Rick Perry will "always err on the side of saving lives"...except where capital punishment is concerned.

Mitt Romney smiles a lot, even though he doesn't like Rick Perry. (It's because he knows Tomorrow is a Latter Day!)

Herman Cain used to be the crackpot; now he's the frontrunner.

Newt Gingrich used to be the frontrunner; now he's the crackpot.

Ron Paul has always been the crackpot.

There are other candidates, but nobody knows who they are.

Michelle Bachmann is insane. (This bears repeating.)

That's all for tonight; but the blogs are up and running again! (Sorry about that...we had a technical issue involving one plane ticket and three bikini models... and we still would have got through airport security if it weren't for those damn body scanners...)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Yes, I KNOW it's been a long time.

I've been working, and I've been offline. And now I'm sick. But I'm sick enough to get the night off work and I have internet access, so let's do this thing.

In no particular order save as they occur to me:

Wisconsin's governor, Scott "I Hate Teachers" Walker has declared war on unionized public-sector workers, but not police or firefighters. Teachers are arguably the single most underpaid profession in this country, and Walker thinks they have it too good. He's a dumbass, and people who agree with him are (you guessed it...) also dumbasses.

Egyptian protestors decided that their military dictator sucked, so they removed him. This started a wave of protests across the Middle East as oppressed populations sharply spoke out against their dictators. And in order to prove that they aren't dictators, those in power started killing their citizens. Makes perfect sense.

In Libya, the protest has grown into a revolution. Gadhafi (or Qaddafi, Kadafi...does Governor Walker want everyone to have this kind of trouble spelling their name?) remains the only person on the face of the earth unable to realize that he is no longer in control of the country, and so he continues to bomb his people. No doubt he is hoping that they will settle down and stop protesting if he makes them hate him enough...

Bill O'Reilly doesn't know what causes the tides (I only found out about this recently.) and thinks that proves his religion. Memo to Bill: "I'm right because I'm stupid" is a creative argument, but won't get you far.

Since gaining control of the House, Republicans have essentially declared war on women by trying to outlaw abortions except in cases of "forcible rape." What do you get when you hit John Boehner in the head with a dictionary? Lots of tears...but not until the cameras are on him. And an orange dictionary.

Glenn Beck says that slavery wasn't bad "until government got involved." But he also says that President Obama "has repeatedly shown himself to be racist." I hereby retract any statements I have made about Beck being completely worthless...if the earth is ever seized by superintelligent machines, Glenn could fry their motherboards in seconds with his gibbering contradictions.

Sarah Palin wants to be a pundit, rather than a politician. I came to this conclusion while watching her response to the shootings in AZ. (Best wishes to Congresswoman Giffords and the families of the victims.) Palin compared claims that her rhetoric contributed to violence like this a form of "blood libel," thus convincing me that she had her aides look up the single most offensive and controversial analogy that she could possibly use in her address. This is a woman who thinks "refudiate" is a word and physical proximity to Russia counts as foreign policy experience: she did not know about blood libel on her own, so it was clearly a researched reference.

I think that brings us up to speed. Oh yeah, one more: the Republican House wants to pull funding for PBS. Maybe Boehner just doesn't want to have to compete with other orange-skinned marionettes for attention, but I think there might be more to it than that.

Union-busting against teachers in WI, putting Sarah Palin front-and-center in the public venue, forcing Sesame Street off the air...has the GOP declared war on education?